I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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