sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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