i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
