He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
