Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
