I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't turn off my feet"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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