good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
