I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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