I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
