Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
