I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
