you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
