My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
