Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Are we still banned from the library?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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