Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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