We need to start having sex underwater more often.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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