Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize