But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
