3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize