Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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