If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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