being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
