HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
