We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
