you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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