Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
