Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
