in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
