Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
