I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
