Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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