I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
