God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my liver is dry heaving
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
