Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
