help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
