omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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