I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
