she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
