We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
