im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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