My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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