Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
