yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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