hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
