addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
