you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
