meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
40s are totally the cure
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
