How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
