If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
