Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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