he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
