So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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