it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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