We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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