Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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