Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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