I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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