Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
