in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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