after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You ruined the universe
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
