when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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