We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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