Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
