I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
