cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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