i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
